A Story About Paying Off Debt and the Obstacles Along the Way

Mental Health & Money Mondays: Finding Community

I've been thinking a lot about relationships, friendship, and community this past week, probably because I've socialized more than usual this month: I attended a women's financial retreat with 70 other people, visited family in the Pacific Northwest, gave a presentation to a group of middle schoolers, hung out with friends, and even bonded with a handful of other runners (whom I didn't know beforehand) during a particularly grueling trail race.

And you know what?

This introverted, awkward hermit thoroughly enjoyed those interactions.

The truth is that social connections and community play an important role in the mental well-being of every human, and they're worth investing in because they have long-term impacts on our health. So I figured it would make a good topic for the second edition of Mental Health and Money Mondays.

Social Bumbles and Relationship Stumbles

For most of my life, I've struggled to make friends and connect with other people.

In grade school, I was teased for being overweight and mocked for wearing the same clothes multiple days in a row. I often ate lunch by myself. (That time I farted in gym class in front of all of the other sixth graders didn't help matters.)

I caught a break when I found a close group of friends at my junior high church youth group. Most of them eventually faded from my life when I left the Christian faith and married an atheist, but they supported me during some difficult years, and their friendship was critical while it lasted.

Things changed considerably when I met my partner: finally, I had someone I could depend on, day in and day out, an anchor to keep me from floating too far off into myself, though as anyone in a long-term relationship can tell you, it's important to have a community beyond your significant other. No one person can be everything you need.

A decade ago, as a lonely new mom, I tried joining Mommy and Me groups to find other women going through a similar big life change. I longed to sit in a quiet coffee shop, sip a latte in peace, and talk about how to be a mom while building a career; instead, I found myself in the middle of endless debates about cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers and breastfeeding vs. formula feeding. I flunked out of three meetups before I finally gave up.

But I started graduate school soon after that and established close friendships with people who shared my passion for our field of study and the outdoors, and who doted on my son.

And now I'm part of the personal finance community, building relationships with other money nerds who, like me, value planning for the future, investing in the things they care about, and giving themselves the freedom to do the things they love.

Connection: It's Good For You 

Although my social experiences haven't always been easy, I think they are fairly typical: many of us struggle to connect with others once we're well into adulthood, and our friends and friend groups periodically change as we evolve as individuals. As a result, finding a lasting and reliable community can be extremely difficult, to say the least.

It's especially difficult for those of us with mental health issues. For example, when I'm in anxiety mode, I'm often less apt to reach out because I'm worried about saying or doing something stupid that will ruin it all and destroy my life forever (welcome to my brain). When I'm depressed, I'm often convinced nobody likes me, and therefore I don't see the point in trying to connect (nor do I have the energy to try).

But research shows that making the effort to build relationships is crucial. People who are connected to family, friends, and community generally live longer, happier lives and experience less loneliness, depression, and anxiety than those who lack those social connections. Even casual relationships and acquaintanceships can make a significant and positive difference.

In other words, your health - including your mental health - depends not only on your genes, your eating habits, your stress levels, and your exercise routine, but also on the nature of your relationships.

Making An Effort

It's tempting for an introvert like me to hide herself away, and I often do - mainly because I need and enjoy my personal space. But I keep working to build community in various aspects of my life because I know my long-term happiness depends in part on my interactions with other people.

It's why I play online board games with Done by Forty and a few other people on a regular basis, even though I usually lose. (In a very kind move, Done by Forty asked me to play during a time when I wasn't feeling all that great. Just the invitation and our trash-talking banter made a big difference.)

It's why I attend my monthly book club with almost religious devotion, even when I don't feel like it and even when I haven't read the book. (Nope, I haven't got the foggiest idea what happened in Middlemarch, but why don't you give me the rundown while I drink this fortifying glass of wine?)

It's why I'm active on social media, even though social media can be highly problematic. On some days, Twitter buoys me.

It's why I attended CentsPositive, even though I was initially overwhelmed at the thought of meeting so many new people.

It's why I try to see my brother once a year, even though getting there is kind of a haul and it's never cheap.

It's why I force myself to keep working on my blog, even when I wonder whether it's worthwhile. There's a community here, too, and I depend on it.

Your Community

What about you? What's your community like? Do you feel like you have the support and connection you need? How do you find and engage with a community - especially when you don't particularly feel like it or the effort seems like more work than it's worth?
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Finances After 40 #7: Investing In Herself (Dragon Gal's Story)

After a three-month hiatus, Finances After 40 is back! This time, we're hearing from Dragon Gal, a 42-year-old early retiree with a passion for travel, art, volunteering, and minimalism. Dragon Gal and her husband, Dragon Guy, write about FIRE and living/thriving with a chronic health condition (Dragon Guy was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia eight years ago) on their blog, The Dragons on FIRE

I'm very inspired by Dragon Gal - not only by her words of wisdom, but also by the way she lives her life. It's clear that she strives to align her lifestyle with her values. 

Thank you, Dragon Gal, for writing this piece. Take it away!

A Peek Into Early Retirement Life

I was an educator for 18 years before I quit in 2017. My husband, Dragon Guy, continues to work for now [note from $76K: It's been a few months since Dragon Gal submitted this post, and since then, Dragon Guy has solidified his retirement plans. His last day is November 1!]. I’ve been enjoying my early retirement—I like volunteering, exercising, reading, and writing.

I’m also big into the arts. I love art in all its forms: music, visual art, writing, dance, and theater. They are all a great source of inspiration to me! I love being creative and seeing others’ creativity! I have been in an improv theater group for 10 years, where I act and play the clarinet.

Healthy living is a top priority in my life. Ever since Dragon Guy was diagnosed with leukemia in 2011, we’ve focused on eating right, exercising, and having a positive attitude. We also believe it’s important to have community in cancer survivorship, so we are involved in a local cancer non-profit. 

"The FIRE movement has gotten us on the same page with our money goals, and for the first time in our marriage, we are really approaching our finances more as a team effort."

These past few years I’ve really gotten into minimalism. I started a declutter challenge of 1,000 items this year. This challenge has had a trickle-down effect in my entire life, as I’m looking to simplify my life and prioritize the parts I value most.

Dragon Guy and I write a blog together, where we focus on early retirement, living with cancer, and travel. We’ve been writing for over a year, and it’s been so fun to have a creative project together—it’s been a great bonding experience for us!

We've been married for 17 years, and travel has really defined our life together. We love learning about new cultures and seeing how others live. We enjoy nature and hiking and we look forward to visiting more places around the world!

Financial Wins and Challenges

I’ve retired, and Dragon Guy is close to retiring. I’m proud of all the changes Dragon Guy and I have made in our lives since learning about the FIRE movement in 2017. We’ve cut about 20% of our annual spend. We’ve had many productive conversations about our financial situation—I’ve learned so much about finances since catching on FIRE, and it’s brought us closer together as a couple. We never really fought over money, but the FIRE movement has gotten us on the same page with our money goals, and for the first time in our marriage, we are really approaching our finances more as a team effort. Whereas before, he managed our portfolio and most everything money-related.

"I think there is so much pressure from society for our lives to look a certain way (house, career, kids, etc). It’s exhausting to juggle all of these things."

We’ve paid off our mortgage and our cars. We don’t have any other debt. We were very lucky that both sets of parents paid our college tuition, and we are forever grateful to them for that. We don’t have any children, which we do believe has helped us get to this point in our lives financially.

Our biggest financial or finance-related challenges right now are:

(1) Healthcare for Dragon Guy. Dragon Guy and I have reached FI, but a big challenge for us is health insurance. Dragon Guy has chronic myeloid leukemia and is currently on track to get off his medication to see if he can remain in remission without treatment. This is great news!

At the same time, stopping his meds means more lab tests to monitor him, so there is some uncertainty surrounding what would happen to his care, because he hopes to stay with the medical team he’s been with for over 8 years. However, the current marketplace health insurance plans don’t cover the hospital where he’s had treatment. This is why Dragon Guy has continued to work, though he is considering quitting soon.

Dragon Guy is currently doing research on his different options for health care. We have drastically cut numerous categories of spending in anticipation of me going on the marketplace plans and for him to be on COBRA.

(2) Living in a house. We bought a big house with the idea that we’d have children. We’d considered moving throughout the years, but our mortgage was so low, and we felt the only reason we would move was to be in a nicer location (which would cost more).

Now, my parents have moved back to the USA and bought a house in the same neighborhood, so it seems silly to move away. So now we have this huge house, which costs over five figures every year in utilities, taxes, insurance, HOA fees, and maintenance. We are wondering if we should get a renter or if we should do Airbnb. But, we feel we have to renovate a bit before we can have others stay in our home. In the short term, we’ve decided to look into renovating with the thought that we could put it on Airbnb eventually.

"Invest in yourself, not things. The greatest asset in my life is ME! It’s not my house, my car, or even my portfolio."

As I’ve grown older, I’m starting to think about healthcare, aging, estate planning, dealing with assisted living costs and having a caregiver. Also: Who can I trust to take over my finances when I’m no longer cognitively competent? We have two nieces, but I’m not sure if it’s fair to rely on them as they will have their own parents to look after.

In Retrospect...

Looking back, I would not have done the following:

  • Bought a wedding band with diamonds. This cost $1,500. A simple wedding band would have been fine.
  • Had a wedding. This cost $10,000. While we made all of the money back via cash gifts, I think we should have just had a small reception.
  • Bought a large house. I didn’t want a “starter house.” I wanted my “forever home” so I didn’t have to move when we had children. I assumed we would have children. I assumed having a house was just a “thing” people were supposed to do when we became adults. I wished I would have examined my assumptions more before I acted.
  • I would not have shopped so much--and I don’t even consider myself a shopaholic! But I liked window shopping and browsing on the internet. And all of that took up time and also money!

But I don’t regret all the travel we’ve done. I think travel is very educational. Our style of travel has changed drastically now that I’m no longer working, and this has helped us travel more on a budget. We stay at AirBnBs, cook our own meals, and seek out free activities as much as possible.

Looking Towards the Future

In the future, I envision happiness and health! I try to eat right and exercise, though this is very hard for me at times; I’m not always good at this and there are plenty of moments where I fall off track. I want to do more things that make me happy. And fortunately, since I’m retired, I can be more choosy about the things I get involved in. I’m hoping to journal more, as this helps me mentally and emotionally. I’ve started reading more books and I find this makes me feel happy too!

"When I turned 40, something really changed for me... I started questioning everything and really reflecting on my life experience."

It’s taken me a couple of years to find my groove in early retirement, and I find I enjoy volunteering. So I hope to continue volunteering for the cancer non-profit that I’ve been with. Dragon Guy and I launched a healthy habits support group program this year with them, and we had a great first session. We hope to have more sessions.

Dragon Gal's Advice: Invest in Yourself

I think there is so much pressure from society for our lives to look a certain way (house, career, kids, etc). It’s exhausting to juggle all of these things. When I turned 40, something really changed for me. I thought, “This is the rest of my life, and is teaching what I want to be doing?” I started questioning everything and really reflecting on my life experience. And I wasn’t sure if I bought into some of the pressure from society for my life to be a certain way. This is why I quit my job. I’m still questioning what I want in my life as I move forward.

"I think the most important thing for women to do is to start talking to each other... I think if we sought each other’s help and counsel more, we’d learn so much!"

Invest in yourself, not things. The greatest asset in my life is ME! It’s not my house, my car, or even my portfolio. Invest in your education, in eating nutritious foods, in exercising, in your happiness, in having good relationships. Make sure your mind, body, and spirit are healthy. Have a good relationship with yourself!

Be confident, make good decisions, and be open to improving. Investing in my own well-being has become very important in the second half of my life. This is something I have to work hard at, as there are days where I don’t want to cook for myself or do yoga, etc. etc. (And I do slack off, don’t get me wrong!)

I’ve fallen off the path of eating well and exercising often, but I’m really trying to listen to my body better, and ultimately, I know this will pay off for me in the long run. Think about how you want to live your life. Everyone has different priorities, consequently, how each of us spends our money and invests is very different. We can read books and talk to other people, and at the same time, we need to consider how the advice fits into our lives (if at all).

I think the most important thing for women to do is to start talking to each other. This is something I need to do more of myself. I think if we sought each other’s help and counsel more, we’d learn so much! And feel more connected, as well.

Where To Connect With Dragon Gal

Blog: thedragonsonfire.com
Twitter: @DragonGuyAndGal

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Mental Health and Money Mondays: Let's Jump In!

Last weekend at the Seattle CentsPositive retreat, a life-changing (yes, I feel that way) personal finance gathering for women organized by author and blogger Tanja Hester, we were given the opportunity to brainstorm topics for participant-led breakout sessions.

I’m the type of person who starts sweating (like, in an alarmingly profuse manner) at even the thought of leading a conversation, so I tried to convince myself that I had nothing to contribute. But after a few squirmy minutes of hemming and hawing, I decided to share with the group my topic idea: mental health and money.

Talking About Mental Health 

If you’ve read any part of this blog, you probably know that mental health is something that I’ve grappled with for most of my life. Anxiety: I've got that! Depression: that one, too! Also several others! I seem to amass mental health issues the way I used to accumulate Pound Puppies back in 1986. Collect them all!

It became especially challenging once I graduated from school and entered the traditional workforce. I’m smart and hardworking, but I crumble under the pressure and micromanagement of traditional corporate employment, and no amount of therapy or medication has changed that.

In April, after a series of jobs that all left me anxiety-ridden and unable to sleep at night, I finally took a giant leap (of faith, of desperation), penned a resignation letter, and left full-time employment, possibly for good. I spent the spring and summer putting my brain back together and then found part-time work that gives me the space I need to truly take care of myself and thrive within my own limitations.

(Important sidenote: it is okay to have limitations and boundaries! There’s no shame in that.)

Anyway, mental health was something I was eager to discuss at CentsPositive, but I wasn’t sure it would garner much interest, given the variety of applicable breakout sessions on offer. When it was time to split up into groups, however, approximately a dozen women joined me.

Sitting in a tight circle in the hotel ballroom, we explored the mental health issues that concern us the most and how we cope with them. We talked about how our mental health affects our finances and how our financial choices/constraints affect our mental health. We shared our experiences with looking for good therapists, finding affordable medication, coping with stress, and securing insurance that covers the services we need.

When the session ended, I felt heard, supported, and inspired, and I hope the other women did, too. (If you were there and you're reading this, thank you so much.)

Continuing the Conversation

Moving forward, one thing I want to do with this blog is use it as a safe space to dig into the topic of money and mental health. There’s no doubt that the two topics are linked, especially in our current socioeconomic hellhole environment, which is defined in part by things like stagnating wages in many industries; rising costs of housing, tuition, childcare, and healthcare; burdensome student loan balancesworkplace stress; and a widening wealth gap. Combined, these factors create a breeding ground for uncertainty, anxiety, depression, and other debilitating issues.

Based on emails and Twitter comments I’ve received and in-person conversations I’ve had the privilege to be a part of, I think there are many people who want to explore mental health and money, and for a bunch of different reasons:

  • To feel less alone and more understood 
  • To vent 
  • To commiserate 
  • To give and receive advice 
  • To learn 
  • To problem-solve 
  • To be reassured there is hope
  • To know that they are valuable and important simply for being who they are, regardless of their finances or what they do for a living 

There are several people in the personal finance space who are already holding these conversations: Melanie Lockert of Dear Debt, Jessica of The Fioneers, Abigail of I Pick Up PenniesBaristaFIRE, Angela of Tread Lightly, Retire Early, and From One Geek To Another, just to name a few.

To add to the dialogue, I’m starting a new weekly series called Mental Health and Money Mondays. At the start of each week, I’ll write a post on a specific mental health-related topic, or I'll share a reader question/comment. Then I’ll open up the comments for discussion so that people can chime in with their own experiences, advice, and stories.

I chose Mondays because (1) alliteration! and (2) I think it’s a mentally and emotionally hard day for a lot of people. It can be brutal to make the transition from the weekend to the workweek. I’m hoping this series can serve as something of a respite for those of us who look forward to Mondays the way one might look forward to being woken up from a deep slumber via ice bath immersion.

Is this the right place to have these discussions? Do people still see blogs as a place to build community? I’m not sure, but I’m going to give it a try. If it falls flat, I’ll find some other online venue for these conversations.

Your Perspective: I Want It!

To get started, I’d love for you to comment in one or more of the following ways:

(1) Share a mental health-related question, concern, or topic that you think this community needs to talk about.

(2) If there’s a connection between your mental health and your finances and you feel comfortable sharing it, I'd love to hear about it.

(3) Tell us what this community can do to make you feel more supported and more heard as you cope with mental health concerns (whether those concerns are your own or those of a loved one).


(4) Share a post or article you’ve written about a mental health-related topic. Your stories and experiences are enormously valuable to others. I’ll also be sharing these posts/articles on my Twitter account throughout the week.

Of course, you are welcome to share anonymously.

Footnote #1: This blog occasionally eats comments. People have told me it’s because I’m still using Blogger, being the cheapie that I am. Maybe that’s true, but I’ve seen it happen on other platforms, too. I recommend saving your comment to a note or other document so that if it gets lost, you can just repost it. I appreciate your patience!

Footnote #2: Probably unnecessary to mention, as people are mostly very awesome, but I reserve the right to delete unhelpful comments. I don’t usually take down negative comments when they pertain to me and my own experiences and stories, but I will delete them if they are hurtful towards other people.

Thank you in advance for bringing your voice to the conversation, and happy (or at least tolerable) Monday!
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My Experience With (Sh*tty) Short-Term Health Insurance

When I quit my job back in April to take care of my mental health, my two primary concerns were (1) oh God, what am I going to do with my life now? (answer: nap, learn some Italian, walk some dogs, rant on my blog) and (2) how are we going to... you know... pay for things? Like food. And cat litter. And - dun dun DUNNNNN - health insurance.

The health insurance worried me the most.

Generally, I'm pretty resourceful. I make things happen. Like, hand me some cardboard and a roll of duct tape, and I'll fix a few appliances, build some toys, and maybe craft a pair of zero-drop running sandals. Time me while I'm putting together an Ikea shelf, and I'll wow you with my efficiency. Ask me to conduct some Internet research, and mere hours later, I'll present you with a sheaf of peer-reviewed journal articles and a professional literature review. Drop me in a foreign country in a stranger's house in the middle of nowhere with no money and no language skills and no access to transportation, and I will find a way to get to the nearest city (this happened).

Problem-solving is very much in my wheelhouse.

But health insurance in the U.S.? Not employer-sponsored?

Is that problem even solvable?

Limited Options

My first step in securing health insurance as an unemployed person was to look into the family plan associated with my partner's insurance. As a teacher, he pays almost nothing for his own healthcare, a rare and well-deserved perk of the job. I made a wish on some magical unicorn dust that he'd be able to add us to his plan for, like, a couple hundred a month.


Try $800-$900 per month. Way outside the capacity of our single-income budget.

Step two: I checked into ACA (Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare) options. The ACA grants special enrollment periods in certain situations such as job changes, so I knew I could sign up immediately, which was a plus. I also figured that on our substantially reduced income, we'd be eligible for a subsidy to take the edge off the premium.

Turned out that while I did qualify for a special enrollment period, I did not qualify for a subsidy, thanks to a sinister little loophole called the family glitch.

Basically, because Fortysomething has insurance through his work and pays very little for it, and because his employer does offer family coverage (though no teacher's family can actually pay for it), we weren't eligible for ACA assistance. Our unsubsidized premiums would be astronomical: again, $800-$1000 per month, this time for a bronze plan with a laughably (or maybe cry-ably) high deductible.

This situation - the family glitch - affects millions of people, and the government has not stepped up to create a solution (quelle suprise!)

So the ACA option wasn't going to work, either.

I then looked into healthcare sharing ministries, or healthshares. Instead of providing insurance, healthshares offer cost sharing. The idea is that you buy into the healthshare by paying a fixed amount each month, sort of like a premium. When you incur a medical expense, you cover it out of pocket and submit a claim. Then the healthshare dips into its money pool and reimburses you. That's how it's supposed to work, anyway. Several friends who have participated in these programs say they're generally satisfied with the experience.

At around $400/month, a healthshare plan was affordable-ish. But the more I learned about healthshares, the less interested I was in joining one, and not just because they don't cover things like pre-existing conditions, contraceptives, and mental health services. Personally, my biggest issue with healthshares is that all of them are fundamentally religious. As an agnostic, I couldn't shake the squirmy feeling I felt when I thought about having to agree to the moral, religious, and ethical codes that every healthshare asks its members to abide by (though the specifics of those codes do vary).

Basically, I don't think healthcare should be tied up with religion, so healthshares are out for me.

Enter Short-Term Health Insurance

My research finally led me to short-term health insurance plans, which were limited under the Obama administration but have proliferated now that the hairy Cheeto is in office. Short-term insurance is just what it sounds like: health insurance coverage for a short period of time. It's a product offered not by the government but by profit-seeking health insurance companies.

In the past, short-term insurance was a true stop-gap measure intended to cover employment breaks for a maximum of a few months. Now, many states allow short-term insurance for terms of six months to a year, with the option to renew for up to three years.

Because short-term insurance is extremely problematic in many ways, not all states are on board with these plans. The biggest issue is that short-term insurance doesn't have to cover pre-existing conditions, nor is it required to cover maternity care, birth control, substance use disorders, and mental health treatment. In other words, coverage-wise, short-term insurance is no better than what healthshares are offering (and at least in some cases, they're probably worse).

States like California, New York, and New Jersey reject these coverage restrictions and thus do not allow insurance companies to peddle short-term plans. Other states, such as Colorado and Oregon, permit short-term insurance but have adopted strict rules designed to protect consumers.

Still other states, however, have allowed and even encouraged the expansion of short-term insurance options, and my state, Arizona, happens to be one of them. (Our unofficial state motto is, I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want; the state government is generally on board with this unless what you want to do is enact environmental legislation. But I digress.) As of September 2019, Arizonans can purchase short-term insurance plans with terms of up to almost a year and renewals of up to three years.

The Nitty-Gritty of My Short-Term Insurance Plan

I spent days researching short-term plans and eventually found one that had enough coverage to give me some sense of security. This plan includes:

-A $2500 deductible
-A maximum out-of-pocket limit of $2000 (after the deductible is met)
-80/20 coinsurance (i.e., once the deductible is met, I pay 20% of the negotiated bill)
-A maximum lifetime limit of $2 million
-Dental, vision, and Teledoc add-ons
-Prescription discounts

My family doctor, my kid's pediatrician and optometrist, my dentist, and my dermatologist all accept this plan, which was important to me. I didn't want to change providers.

When all was said and done, the monthly premium came out to a little less than $300.

Anxious that the underwriters would flag me for my age and previous antidepressant prescriptions, I applied. When my application was accepted, I worried that I was making a deal with the devil. I also felt an enormous sense of relief.

I've now had short-term insurance for six months, and I just renewed for another six months. So far, my plan has covered two dental visits at no additional cost, two flu shots at no additional cost, and a skin cancer screening at a discounted price (after insurance, I paid $100 out of my old health savings account). Although I've seen reviews of these plans that read like modern-day American horror stories, so far, the service I've received has been pretty standard - no better but no worse than what I experienced with my employer-sponsored Cigna and United Healthcare coverage.

Pros and Cons

Obviously, for us, an enormous benefit of short-term insurance is the cost. Unlike the premiums for Fortysomething's employer-sponsored insurance and the unsubsidized ACA plans, $300/month is within our budget. In fact, it leaves some room for us to continue putting money into savings, something that's extremely important to us.

The relatively low deductible and out-of-pocket maximums are also attractive, especially considering that many of the more affordable ACA plans can have deductibles of well over $10K.

However, my short-term plan comes with some undeniable problems:

1. It doesn't cover pre-existing conditions. How's that for some pre-ACA bullsh*t, huh? In fact, if you have pre-existing conditions, there's a very good chance you'll be denied coverage when you apply.

In contrast, ACA plans do not place restrictions on pre-existing conditions, which is one reason the ACA is so important (and why it's worth protecting and improving upon, at least until something better comes along). Prior to Obamacare, you could be denied coverage for things like, say, being pregnant. Meaning that some women had to go through their pregnancies without insurance.

Ask me how I know.

Ask. Me. How. I. Know.

2. Coverage is spotty. In fact... there are a lot of things short-term insurance doesn't cover: maternity care, fertility treatments, gender reassignment surgery, mental health services, and substance use disorder treatment, to name a few.

Also, if you fall off your horse during a rodeo, get injured while skydiving in your squirrel suit, or find yourself admitted to the hospital on a Friday or Saturday for anything other than an emergency (yes, this is actually a restriction spelled out in the fine print), you're out of luck.

For fun, you can skim examples of other short-term insurance restrictions on p. 14-15 in this here handy brochure.

3. The maximum lifetime limit of $2 million is insufficient. If you have a serious health condition, you're gonna blow through that cap in a jiffy. In contrast, ACA plans do not have lifetime limits.

Compromising My Principles

I'm going to be completely honest with you: I feel like I'm compromising my principles by buying short-term health insurance. Everyone - EVERYONE! - should have their healthcare needs met without endangering their financial well-being. For-profit insurance products are designed to make money for insurance companies, not protect the well-being of the people who would most benefit from good healthcare. Short-term insurance is built for people who are already pretty healthy and who are unlikely to affect the bottom line. The second it becomes clear that your health needs are going to incur substantial costs for the insurance company, you're out.

It's shady and unethical.

However - and I cannot emphasize this enough -

the better options are not affordable.

As in, we cannot afford them.

As in, if we were to purchase them, we will not be able to save anything.

Do I feel comfortable with my current plan? Not really.

But do I feel comfortable paying thousands of dollars a year for a plan that, if I need to use it, will require me to shell out thousands of dollars more before my deductible even kicks in?

Do I feel comfortable returning to an employment situation that makes me sick just to have employer-sponsored health insurance?

Do I feel comfortable having no money to save or invest?


So here we are.

Like most of us, at the end of the day, we have to do what's most beneficial for our family. In this case, we have to select the best option out of several terrible options.

Tips For Purchasing Short-Term Insurance

If you're in a state that doesn't allow short-term insurance plans, good news! Your state is progressive enough to offer other choices. Your state sees you as a human being! Your state cares about your health! Your state understands that medical bankruptcy is expensive for absolutely everyone!

If you're in a state that does support short-term insurance, and if you're considering short-term insurance for yourself or your family, I can offer a few tips:

(1) Look for the lowest deductible you can afford. The deductible is the amount you have to pay before your insurance company helps you cover your costs (although prior to that, the company will negotiate with your providers, meaning that your medical bills will be lower than if you didn't have insurance at all). My current insurance company offers deductibles ranging from $1000 to $12,500.

At $12,500, your monthly premiums will be rather low, but you're going to have to shell out a sh*tload of cash for medical expenses before your insurance company even opens its wallet.

(2) Look for the lowest coinsurance you can afford. Once you've hit your deductible, you'll probably still be responsible for part of your expenses. The percent of your medical bills that you pay out of pocket is called coinsurance. For example, I have 80/20 coinsurance, meaning that once my deductible is met, my insurance company is responsible for 80% of the bill, and I'm responsible for 20%. If you have 50/50 coinsurance, you'll be on the hook for 50% of the cost; your insurance company will take care of the other half.

The lower your coinsurance, the better.

(3) Look for the lowest out-of-pocket maximum you can afford. The out-of-pocket maximum is the maximum amount you'll have to pay - after you reach your deductible - for medical expenses. In my case, I have a deductible of $2500 and an out-of-pocket maximum of $2000, meaning that the most I'd have to shell out (assuming my insurance company sticks to its end of the bargain and doesn't make up arbitrary new rules as we go along) is $4500.

(4) Make sure your providers accept your short-term insurance plan. As far as I can tell, every insurance company offers a Doctor Finder tool on its website. Look into this before you apply for a plan, and call your doctor to double-check if you're not entirely certain they'll accept your insurance.

(5) Read the fine print.

Read. The. Fine. Print.

Carefully review every single page in the benefits guide (here's an example of what to expect in a pre-purchase benefits guide), and call the insurance company if you have any questions. Again, do this before you apply. As I mentioned earlier, short-term insurance plans come with an abundance of stipulations, variations, and exclusions. Don't make any assumptions about what the insurance plan will cover.

(6) Once you have insurance, obsessively review every bill, and be a PITA. Let's say you go to the doctor for a regular checkup. Your doctor takes your short-term insurance; you know this because you confirmed with your provider and the insurance company before you purchased your plan. According to the benefits guide that you've read in detail, your insurance should cover this visit.

But let's say they don't. Let's say they deny your claim, and now you're on the hook for the full cost of the visit.

Do you cry?

Well, if you're me, yes. You cry every time.

It's okay. Cry.

I also encourage you to pen a few Twitter rants for good measure.

But do you give up and just pay the whole bill? NO!

Call the insurance company (I know, I have phone phobia, too... I'm sorry) and ask them what they can do to help. Request that they reconsider the claim. If they won't do that, ask them if the coding of the visit affected the outcome. Then contact your healthcare provider and see if they can either give you a discount or re-code your visit, if it's appropriate.

This seems like a ton of work, and it is. Not every call or request will yield results. Sometimes you'll ask for a discount or a claim re-evaluation, and you'll get nothing. But healthcare costs in this country are highly negotiable, and if you're willing to ask and push, there's a strong likelihood that you'll be able to catch a break at some point.

It shouldn't be this way. Haggling over healthcare costs shouldn't be a thing. This isn't the farmer's market.

Plus, this unspoken rule - that we should be negotiating our healthcare costs - is extremely unfair to certain people and communities. But here we are.

Final Thoughts

Healthcare is a major topic of discussion here in the U.S. Regardless of our political views, I think most of us agree that we can't keep doing what we're doing; something needs to change so that (a) healthcare costs are less extreme and (b) more people have comprehensive coverage.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and your healthcare/health insurance experiences. And although I can't call myself a true expert in this arena, I've navigated the healthcare system and I'm familiar with the lingo and the unwritten rules. So if you have questions, ask! If I can't provide answers, I'll point you to someone who can.
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Debt: Who F*cking Cares


A few salty notes before I launch in:

1. My child informs me that I swear too much, so I'm asterisking my f-words because I know he reads my blog (hi buddy... I love you! I'm working on my shortcomings but this one's gonna be tough...)

2. I'm currently at CentsPositive (sidenote: it's amazing), but I have a horrible cold and have therefore sequestered myself in my room to eat delicious takeout pizza, sip hot tea, argue with people on Twitter, and edit/publish this post, the first draft of which I wrote a couple of days ago. I may be slightly delirious, but nothing stands between me and my keyboard!

2b. My CentsPositive welcome bag came with candy, beer, and chips. Will these sour gummy worms clear my sinuses? Is hard seltzer medicinal?

3. Someone's going to say, "You're contradicting yourself... I thought you were frustrated about money but here you are SPENDING money, you irresponsible moron." Yes. I am frustrated about money sometimes. However, I am realizing that a) we're exhibiting normal, healthy levels of financial responsibility, b) investing in what we value is a good thing, and c) it's okay to contradict myself as I sort through my thoughts.

4. I'm not saying people shouldn't pay off their debt.

5. I understand the concept of interest, yes.


Here is what I wrote.

That Time We Were "On Track"

I've been struggling lately with the direction of this blog because we've clearly deviated from our original goal: to get out of $76K worth of debt as fast as possible.

For a while - like maybe 1.5 years - we were all in. As we described in our early posts, we made some big changes to make the debt disappear:

We reduced our expenses (bye, Hulu! See ya, magazine subscriptions! Gym membership, don't even bother trying to sell us because we're going to work out FOR FREE, you sneaky money-grubbing bastard.)

We snagged new jobs with higher salaries.

We paid off a credit card, then a car loan, then two more credit cards. Then a student loan.

We were prime candidates for the Debt Payoff Honor Roll.

And then... then we got derailed. I got derailed.

I derailed us.

My brain derailed us.

A New Approach

When I quit full-time work to (literally) save my sanity, the wheels flew off our debt payoff train in spectacular fashion. I mean, we took on air. We careened off the tracks, hit a few trees, slid down a steep hillside, and probably injured a handful of innocent squirrels in the process.

The hypothetical debt repayment train was totaled.

Six months later, we have a new debt repayment vehicle.

I call it The Debt Repayment Tricycle.

It moves much more slowly than the afore-mentioned high-speed train, and man, do my quads hurt.

But when I think about ditching my trike and re-hitching myself to something faster, I've realized that I... just... don't. want. to. do. it.

Somewhere along the way, I got sick of feeling like making money and paying off loans were the most important non-family things in my life. The fact that I was able to make them a centerpiece for almost two years is pretty much a miracle, given my YOLO-infused financial history. I've just never been that interested in making money (I know, I know... I'm not saying that's a good thing, but that's where I was at). It's never motivated me. Until 2017, my debt didn't really bother me.

I've always been most interested in experiencing my life as much as I possibly can, with whatever resources I have available. In the past, those resources included my credit cards.

You Can Live With Debt

Lately, I find the pendulum swinging back towards YOLO.

Exhibit A: I recently paid $91 to run in a 25K trail race.

Exhibit B: We bought a fish tank with all the accouterments. (Granted, I severely underestimated how much this thing would cost, but it's delightful. The cat watches the fish all day long and is living her best life.)

Exhibit C: For CentsPositive, I'm staying in a hotel room in downtown Seattle for two nights, and I'm not sharing.

I'm okay with all this because I KNOW how to manage my money. I'm a budgeting all-star (YES I AM). I'm committed to tracking my expenses and paying my bills on time. I'm a fanatic about maintaining a zero balance my credit card.

Exhibit D: I booked this hotel room on my Mastercard. It's already been paid off.

I've discovered the deep satisfaction of having a tidy, Kondo-esque financial life.

But just as I don't think I can go back to working 40 hours a week, I don't think I can go back to obsessing about debt payoff. Not the way I used to. I'm not interested in devoting our entire disposable income to our student loan.

That loan will go away. It's just not going to go away soon. And that's okay, because I'd rather my family devote our energy and paychecks to other things.

Like going out for an occasional restaurant meal.

Or seeing a movie best viewed on the big screen.

Or taking a memborable family vacation.

Or traveling to a CentsPositive gathering or Lola Retreat to hang out with likeminded friends.

Or signing up for trail races that make me feel like I'm doing exactly what I've been put on this oh-so-runnable Earth to do.

I guess I've realized that it is truly possible to live, really live, with debt. Like, you can have a student loan and also have a life. You can invest in the experiences and things you value and still be good with money.

Can you buy groceries? Can you pay your rent? Can you keep yourself clothed? Ideally, are you not accruing more debt? (Though maybe you are, but if you're reading this, I'm betting you have some darned good reasons for it.)

Then who f*cking cares. 

Paying off your debt fast doesn't make you a better, smarter, more thoughtful, or more moral human being. It makes you someone who's paid off their debt.

And if you're still chipping away at it, as we are, the debt is a line item in your budget, which also includes many other things that are probably way more important to you. And that's totally okay. Your student loan payment doesn't need to carry any more emotional weight than, say, your electric bill.

Yes, I still have money stress. How many of us don't? But after my last post, I realized that most of that stress comes from feeling like I need to move at someone else's pace, guided by someone else's values, instead of my own. I simmered on it a bit and realized... I don't.

Taking the Middle Road

So much of personal finance these days is about doing things as fast as possible, whether that's eliminating student loans or achieving FIRE.

But there can be a very normal, very manageable, very scenic middle road. Just you and your tricycle, ambling down the way, enjoying the view, knowing that if you just keep peddling, you'll eventually reach your destination.

If you've had a different experience and paid off debt super quickly, and if you think that's a good strategy, then I'm here to give you a virtual high five. Rock on, sister or mister.

But this is where I'm at.


Who actually f*cking cares.
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