A Story About Paying Off Debt and the Obstacles Along the Way

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Part-Time Lifestyle And Income Report #2 (Week Of August 12)


Income Report Context


Earlier this year, I was earning a salary of $60,000 in a job I despised, and my family was making over six figures annually. We were able to pay off some debt, invest, and save. After many months of searching, I took a lower-paying job that I hoped would be a better fit. The new gig turned out to be a total horror show, so I eventually quit and embarked on a career break.

Now I'm trying to figure out my next steps. I don't feel like I'm on a break anymore, but I'm also not working 40 hours a week. Instead, for the time being, it looks like I will be cobbling together freelance and hourly gigs to help bridge the gap between our family's expenses and income. This is an entirely new journey for me: until now, I've always worked full time.

Fortysomething's job covers many of the bills, but not all of them. I need to earn ~$1000 a month after taxes in order for us to break even. Ideally, I'll earn more than that so that we can put money into savings and investments.

I thought it might be fun and informative (if only for myself!) to post a weekly recap of what I'm referring to as my New Part-Time LifestyleTM.  Assuming I can make myself stick with it, I'll stop in every Friday or Saturday to share what I've earned throughout the week, any challenges that have come up, and how I'm feeling about my new approach to work life.

You can find the first installment of my report here.

Personal Income This Week


Online Teaching Job: $330

I worked 15 hours this week. I'm usually slated to work 12, but my boss allowed me to tack on some extra time so that I could deal with an enormous grading backlog. I'm pleased to say that I'm almost done!

Overall, I'm enjoying the job. It's fairly easy, interacting with the students is fun, and I feel like I know what I'm doing, which is always a plus. My bosses don't seem like micromanagers (never change, bosses. Never change!) Also, I don't have to talk to anyone over the phone! HURRAY!

Oh, and happy day: last week's earnings were deposited this morning!

Rover: $56

Ohhhhh Rover. Rover, Rover, Rover. Last week, I described some of my recent frustration with Rover petsitting gigs. That frustration hasn't abated.

Perhaps my biggest source of stress is the last-minute nature of most of these requests. More often than not, people contact me the day before they're leaving town - or even sometimes the day of! - to ask if I'm available. If I say yes, it throws my schedule out of whack; if I say no, I'm dinged in the Rover algorithm (which is why it's important to say yes to as many offers as possible when you're first getting started).

Since I began petsitting in May, I've accepted most of these requests. Now? I'm over it.

The other problem is that I seem to be a magnet for difficult/awkward situations: key is missing, roommate is home and wasn't expecting someone to blast through the front door, nice dog has turned aggressive, dog refuses to go for a walk, suddenly there are three pets instead of one and nobody told me, dog has destroyed a giant ornament and now there are glass shards all over the floor (that last one happened this week), etc. etc. etc. Things happen. I get that. But do they have to happen at almost every visit? 

Some of my friends have told me I'm charging too much. I've tried to explain to them that the fee doesn't cover just the time I'm cleaning the cat litter, filling food bowls, or taking a pup for a walk. It also covers drive time, gas, and these crazy headaches I keep arriving to. If anything, I feel like I'm not charging enough.

I'm not ready to give up on Rover yet. Instead, I've made some changes to my petsitting profile in an effort to cut down on the less-than-ideal requests. First, I'm marking my calendar as unavailable a week out. That is, the earliest someone can start a booking with me is a week from today. My existing clients will still be able to make last-minute requests, but for new clients, my name won't pop up in the search results if they're looking for someone immediately.

Second, I've adopted a strict cancellation policy, meaning that if someone cancels at the last minute, I'll still get some of the money. Rationale: people who are apt to change their plans probably don't want to deal with a rigid cancellation policy.

My guess is that I'll receive fewer requests, but I'm hoping that the requests I do receive will be for longer-term bookings by organized people who know their pets and respect my time. Those are the people I want to work with.

Total income this week: $386

Last Week's Challenges: Where Am I At?


Insurance

Status: Resolved! Yay!

Last week, I shared that a claim for a recent doctor's visit was inexplicably submitted to my expired insurance plan. It took a while to get people on the phone to discuss the problem, but I eventually reached both my health provider and the insurance company. The doctor's office resubmitted the claim to the correct company, and we're all set (I hope). I received the appropriate insurance discount and now owe $55 instead of $165.

This is the first time I've used my short-term insurance plan. It's nice to know that it's actually doing something for me.

Ghost Company

Status: Who knows.

After one of my best friends got sick of hearing me rant about being ghosted for a job (her: "...that you are perfectly qualified for... We know, we know..."), she made me email the hiring manager and ask for an update. Nobody responded for days. Finally, I received a 3-sentence note explaining that they've been too swamped to make a decision and everything's just CRAZY BUSY and SORRY!

Um. Maybe hiring someone would help with that? Just a thought.

I know that these processes take time, but come on. Everything about this situation screams WE DON'T CARE. This is a terrible way to do business (though an excellent tactic if you want to drive people away). It is stupid, inefficient, and disrespectful. WHY DO BUSINESSES OPERATE LIKE THIS.

So... I'm just moving forward as if I did not get the job.

This Week's Challenges


I've already mentioned Rover. Hopefully, the adjustments to my profile settings will help.

Another challenge was trying to figure out what to do about my kid's extracurricular activities. He's the type of preteen who likes nothing more than to spend his afternoons cruising through his homework, firing up the Xbox, and eating ice cream. Can't blame him, but we figured cross country would be good for him both physically and socially. He participated last year and generally enjoyed it. I can't say he was super into it, but he did it, checked it off his list, and then went to play Minecraft.

This year, the fee for cross country has ramped up to $200 per participant. My eyes just about fell out of my head when I found out. Maybe that's not a substantial sum of money for some kids at his school, but it's a wallet buster for us.

In the end, we asked him if he really wants to be on the team, he said meh, and we were like, okay, let's not do it. It's not the ideal solution. I think cross country offers a lot of benefits. But... yeah. I don't want to pay that much, and all of the other team fees are about the same price.

Lastly - and this isn't really a challenge, just something I did this week - I applied for one more part-time online teaching position. I'm qualified; however, I don't know what it pays. Sometimes adjuncting isn't worth it. Sometimes it is. We'll see.

I'm still keeping an eye on the job boards for full-time employment opportunities, but the options were limited this week.

How I'm Feeling Overall


Good! I feel pretty good! This week was relaxing yet invigorating. If work-life balance is something one can actually achieve, I think I did it.

In addition to working, I did a lot of fun things: taking time with my morning coffee, making healthy breakfasts, running, reading, cleaning (I like cleaning), napping, baking cookies, and watching Survivor. The nice thing about working part-time is that there's so much room for variety in one's day.

I also decided to go on what I'm referring to as a Life Elimination Diet: that is, I'm going to cut out all extraneous activities and obligations and keep only the necessities. The necessities include family time, my job, running, blogging, book club, and helping my kid with homework.

But I also had all of these other odds and ends in my schedule that were stressing me out. Like an experiential Marie Kondo, I did not feel the spark of joy and needed them gone.

Some of the things I cut included last-minute Rover requests (see above), uncomfortable Meet and Greets (if I feel even a little weird about meeting someone at their house for the first time, I'm not doing it), random parent meetings at my kid's school (some of them are important, but others are totally unnecessary), a race I was not going to be ready for, and a trip I was supposed to go on in September. I was not excited about this trip and realized that participating in it was just going to make me feel bad about myself. So I emailed the organizer and asked if I could back out. They were totally fine with it.

I'm also not going to do some of the things I've thought about doing simply because I feel like I should: serving on the PTA, tutoring, freelance writing. These are all good ideas... for other people.

Anyway, that was my week. How was yours? Any big wins and/or challenges?

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Part-Time Lifestyle And Income Report #1 (Week Of August 5)


Income Report Context


Earlier this year, I was earning a salary of $60,000 in a job I despised, and my family was making over six figures annually. We were able to pay off some debt, invest, and save. After many months of searching, I took a lower-paying job that I hoped would be a better fit. The new gig turned out to be a total horror show, so I eventually quit and embarked on a career break.

Now I'm trying to figure out my next steps. I don't feel like I'm on a break anymore, but I'm also not working 40 hours a week. Instead, for the time being, it looks like I will be cobbling together freelance and hourly gigs to help bridge the gap between our family's expenses and income. This is an entirely new journey for me: until now, I've always worked full time.

Fortysomething's job covers many of the bills, but not all of them. I need to earn ~$1000 a month after taxes in order for us to break even. Ideally, I'll earn more than that so that we can put money into savings and investments.

I thought it might be fun and informative (if only for myself!) to post a weekly recap of what I'm referring to as my New Part-Time LifestyleTM.  Assuming I can make myself stick with it, I'll stop in every Friday or Saturday to share what I've earned throughout the week, any challenges that have come up, and how I'm feeling about my new approach to work life.

Personal Income This Week 


Rover: $94 (after Rover fees)

This week, I booked a few one-off drop-in visits as well as a steady four-day dogwalking gig. To be honest, I'm not sure it was worth it. I drove across town on Monday to discover that the owner had forgotten to leave a key. Another person booked me to walk a super-shy dog who refused to come out (which was fine, but I felt bad that I couldn't meet the owner's expectations). In a couple of other instances, I walked into my clients' homes to find that their roommates were home and were unaware that I'd been stopping by. It was awkward.

Dealing with one or two of these situations on a weekly basis is okay, but having to manage unexpected, people-related issues or challenges at every visit is exhausting.

As I mentioned on Twitter, I've kind of had it with Rover at the moment, but I'm going to keep going to see if I can get some better bookings over Labor Day. I've found that the best petsitting gigs are those that span several days; that way, you have a chance to get to know the pet, develop a routine, and figure out what to expect from the owner.

Online Teaching Job: $264

My new part-time online teaching job started on Tuesday. I'm slated to work 12 hours per week. This week, those hours were quickly allocated to administrative tasks, meetings, review of course materials, and grading. My position has been open for a while, so by the time I'd met my hourly quota, I still had piles of tasks to finish... but I stopped, because I'm not working for free.

Overall, the job is enjoyable. Online teaching was my bread and butter for years, so even with new policies and new courses, it's still relatively easy for me to dive in and get things done without feeling overly stressed out.

I've already asked my boss if I can work a few additional hours next week to help get them caught up, and she said yes. Yay for some extra income on the horizon.

Total income this week: $358

This Week's Challenges


Aside from the petsitting debacles and typical new job anxiety, my biggest challenges this week were an insurance issue and being ghosted by the organization that interviewed me for a full-time job I was pretty excited about.

The interview took place two weeks ago. I've heard nothing since then, except for a brief acknowledgment of the thank you note I sent. It's upsetting. Some people will probably argue that this is just the way it is and that I should move on. I agree, and yet I still feel angry and frustrated, probably because this situation serves as yet another instance of being treated like shit by a supposedly professional organization. I prepared for this interview. I researched the people and the mission, and I gave a lot of thought to how I could contribute. I took time out of my day to attend the interview and spent money on parking. I gave real, honest, and detailed answers to every question they asked. I did not BS my way through any of it.

Ultimately, the entire experience was a complete waste of time and energy, but there was no way for me to know that at the outset. How am I supposed to trust prospective employers when so many of them behave so badly? Why would I want to continue doing this to myself?

As for the insurance issue: the company that offers my short-term insurance is the same one that offered my insurance at my previous job. My employer-sponsored insurance ended in April, and my self-sponsored insurance started in May. I had a skin cancer screening at the beginning of July, at which time I provided my self-sponsored insurance card to the doctor's office.

For whatever reason, the insurance company decided to file the claim under my expired insurance instead of my active insurance. And WHAT DO YOU KNOW: expired insurance covers a grand total of nothing! So now I have to get on the phone with the company and try to get it sorted out, because nothing about insurance in the U.S. is ever straightforward.

How I'm Feeling Overall


Overall, I'm feeling that I do not want to drive my car off a cliff, which is a substantial improvement over how I was feeling earlier this year. So... win? I have no regrets about quitting my old job, taking time off, and starting over. No regrets whatsoever.

At the same time, I do worry about being able to make ends meet, and I feel frustrated about some of the things associated with this new part-time lifestyle:

  • Job searches are a giant pain in the ass.
  • Shitty insurance is a giant pain in the ass.
  • Dealing with people can be a giant pain in the ass.

Also, before someone hops onto their soapbox to tell me to JUST BE POSITIVE, I keep this blog mostly as a record for myself and my family. Therefore, I'm writing things down the way that I see and feel them.

So how was your week?
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Starting Again


One of my goals is to write more frequently on the blog: shorter posts, most likely, but more often. So here we go!

A Fresh Start


Two things happen tomorrow: my kid starts a new school year, and I start a new part-time job.

The Kiddo has mixed feelings about school. He's been a bit bored the past few weeks, so I think he's looking forward to seeing his friends and having more to do. On the other hand, he's not excited about homework, and he knows his days are likely to be long and tiring. It will be a challenging year from an academic standpoint.

Meanwhile, I have mixed feelings about starting this part-time job. The extra money will be extremely nice, but because so many of my previous jobs have been terrible, I can't help but walk into this endeavor with a hefty dose of skepticism.

I'm particularly skeptical about the pay structure. In previous teaching positions, I've always been paid a salary or a per-class stipend. In this case, I'm on an hourly timesheet-type structure, and I'm limited to 12 hours a week. I'm wary because it's hard to know how long grading, responding to emails, reviewing material, and attending meetings will take, especially at first.

What I do know is that I will not be doing any of it for free.

(Repeating for myself: I will not be doing any of it for free. I will not be doing any of it for free. I will not be doing any of it for free.)

Secondly, although I greatly, GREATLY appreciate the fact that I didn't have to jump through two dozen hoops to get this gig, I am not super excited about the job itself (I have to be honest). It's another version of work I've done for the last 10+ years, work that I keep falling back into because it's familiar and generally fairly easy.

But it's just 12 hours a week, so there's that. In a sense, who cares if I'm not pumped about it.

Still Waiting


I'm also still waiting for news on the full-time job I applied and interviewed for. Fortysomething, while supportive of whatever I do, thinks I should forget about it. He believes going back to 40 hours a week will be too stressful for me and that the part-time option will be better for everyone. Between my part-time job and pet sitting, we should be able to get by without dipping into savings. Plus, one of us will always be around to handle kid-related activities and issues.

I'm on the fence. I see his point, but I think the right full-time job, especially one in my field (which this is) with friendly in-person coworkers and good work-life balance, could be beneficial financially and emotionally.

Financially, we'd be able to live comfortably, especially with employer-sponsored benefits thrown into the mix. By my calculations, we'd be able to pay off our campground membership, throw $1000/month at the student loan, and still put a good chunk of cash into savings and investments. We'd have something to fall back on if something happens to Fortysomething's job.

Emotionally, although I'm wary of finding myself in yet another stressful situation and will never again work for an employer like my last one, I do appreciate having work to occupy my mind and keep it from spiraling out of control, especially at a time when everything in this country seems so scary and catastrophic. And... I went to school to do science. I'm good at science. Is it too much to ask to have a science-y job that is both fulfilling and manageable?

That said, I'm not enjoying the waiting game, and I strongly suspect the fact that I didn't hear something last week means I'm not getting an offer.

We'll see. I'll let you know. And I suppose I'll keep applying for other jobs as interesting ones pop up, though the job market here is looking pretty sparse at the moment.

Am I Still On A Career Break?


This is something I keep asking myself, and I'm not really sure what the answer is. I suppose I'm in a transitional phase: I'm actively trying to figure out what's next and experimenting with some different possibilities. What I do know for sure is that I'm ready to dig back into something now that I have renewed energy and a better idea of what I do and do not want.
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It's The End Of July As We Know It


...and I've written a grand total of two posts this month. Three, if you count the Finances After 40 contribution by It's A Kate Life, but those were her words, not mine, so I can't take credit there.

It's not that I don't want to blog. I do. But July just felt so up in the air. I kept telling myself that as soon as things settle down, as soon as I figure things out, I'll write.

Things didn't settle down and I really didn't figure anything out. Hence, no writing. Until now.

July In Review: Wildfires, Video Games, And Getting Back To Work


In July, we wrapped up a vacation to Disneyland. My kid spent several hours a week practicing for soccer and participating in weekend matches. My partner read like it was his job and worked on one of his side hustles. We lazed around, ate ice cream, and played video games (I'm now dangerous in Beach Buggy, so watch out).

At the end of the month, a wildfire started about a mile from our house and grew rapidly. It unsettled our neighborhood and our entire community. Nobody was prepared for it. Unlike early 2018, which was scary dry and led to the precautionary closure of an entire forest for more than a month, we had a wet winter and a drizzly spring this year. As a result, information about fire danger was sparse, and there was generally less awareness despite the fact that we had almost no rain in June. Nobody's said it officially, but the fire was almost certainly human-caused.


The level of stress fueled by the fire was off the charts. It was palpable. I and everyone I knew spent the last part of July obsessing about wind direction, air quality, the safety of the animals in the forest, possible evacuation routes, where we would go if we were evacuated, whether our houses would be okay, and whether our friends' houses would be okay. Luckily, the firefighters and hotshots were able to get in there quickly and prevent a total disaster. As of today, the fire is mostly contained, and people have now turned their attention to the increased flooding that the fire scar is likely to cause when it rains.

I had petsitting gigs lined up almost every day this month and brought in a grand total of $429 (after Rover fees and taxes) for what in retrospect felt like a lot of work. My bookings included one incredibly stressful housesitting situation with an unexpectedly territorial dog who refused to let me get within six feet of her (it was nobody's fault, but it was still terrible for everyone involved). The experience cooled me a bit to the entire endeavor and made me feel wary of taking on new clients without careful consideration.

The thing about Rover, though, is that it really is the Uber of pet care. People don't want you to spend hours assessing whether you and their pet are a good fit; they just want you to say yes to the job and show up so that they can go on their last-minute vacation. Usually, it works out. Now I know that sometimes it doesn't.

I realized that if I want to continue petsitting, make money at it, and set myself up for both safety and success, I probably need to branch off and create my own business, one where the emphasis is on forming lasting relationships with clients who have trained their pets and want to pay a decent wage for someone to look after their fur babies. But am I ready to take on my own endeavor and everything that entails? I don't know yet. For now, I'll keep going with Rover - but I'll be much pickier about who I say yes to.

Lastly, I applied for several jobs in June and in July, thereby signaling the beginning of the end of my career break. Wrapping up my self-imposed sabbatical wasn't planned. I just a) got bored and b) started daydreaming about what we could do with an increased income. I was ignored or ghosted by several companies, but two of my applications led to interviews. One "interview" was actually more of an informal meeting for a part-time online teaching job that was essentially created for me after I applied for a different position that had already been filled. The other was a much more typical interview for a full-time lab manager job. I was offered the part-time position (yay!) and am waiting to hear back about the second.

Money Talk


So given that this is supposed to be a debt blog, where are we at with money?

It turns out that we're in pretty good shape. Thanks to Fortysomething's side hustle and his bonuses, we were actually able to put money into savings this month, bringing our total emergency fund to $8700. We didn't have to dip into savings at all in June or July.

My new part-time job is supposed to generate 10-12 hours of work a week. Whether that work will be truly consistent remains to be seen (I'm always skeptical until it actually happens), but if it is, I should be able to earn around $800 a month. If I can make an additional $200 a month from petsitting, we will break even - meaning that we won't have to touch our savings account for regular monthly expenses. That's exciting!

With one more bonus in the works, it's also possible that (and this blows my mind) we'll meet our $10K emergency fund goal that we set at the beginning of the year.

And if I can earn more than $200 a month by petsitting, we can even start a vacation fund (which we've determined is something we all want) and/or just throw more at our campground membership and student loan debt.

If I'm offered the full-time job and accept it? Financially, we'll be in really good shape even though the salary is lower than it should be.

In other words, so far, this career break has not led to a financial implosion. Even if I don't go back to full-time work and even if I do have to find another health insurance solution, we will probably be okay. It's a huge relief.

Part-Time Freelance Or Full-Time Traditional?


I'm now at a point where I'm figuring out whether I want to pursue a more flexible but lower-paying, part-time lifestyle or a more traditional but higher-paying, full-time lifestyle. When I quit my last job, I was aiming for the former - and I've managed to create that exact situation in a little more than three months. Go me!

But I'm not ruling out the possibility of the latter. I think a regular full-time job could work out if it's the right job. In retrospect, the last three jobs were so not the right jobs, but I couldn't see that because I had no room to stand back and gain some perspective. (Also, I had brainwashed myself into thinking that I had to have another job before leaving.)

The right job would use my skills and experience, be of interest to me, allow me to interact in person with cool coworkers, give me autonomy, and respect my personal time. The right job would not exceed 40 hours a week. The right job would have me working for a boss who won't micromanage and doesn't need to know where I am or what I'm doing every minute of the day. The right job would give me the stability of health benefits and a retirement fund.

If I can have all that, then maybe.

That said, I'm holding off on applying for anything else right now. Per my recent Twitter rant, the job application and interview process seems like a dog and pony show to me, and I generally abhor it. I want to get started with my part-time job and see how the full-time opportunity pans out. If it doesn't materialize, I'll probably experiment with part-time work life for a while just to see how it goes.

Where This Blog Is Going


For the past six months, I've written almost exclusively about work satisfaction, mental health, and unconventional career choices. I'll continue to pursue those topics when I feel like it and when the opportunity arises, but I also want to get back to what this blog was when I first started, which was a personal record of our financial journey.

Instead of writing less often, I'd like to write more often - but more in the vein of what A Dime At A Time does on her debt blog. In other words, I'd like to write shorter posts more often.

Moreover, I'm okay with keeping it personal and not feeling the need to craft something exceptional every time I'm faced with a blank page.
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Finances After 40 #6: Saving On A Single Income (Kate's Story)

Photo by Nicole Harrington

Welcome to the 6th installment of Finances After 40! This week, we're featuring Kate from It's A Kate Life. Kate is in her early 40s. She works in corporate accounting, is a devoted cat friend (see below - GOOD HUMAN ALERT), and has a wealth of actionable advice to share. She's living on a single income and is absolutely acing the whole saving-for-the-future thing. I've been following her for a couple of years on Twitter, so I was thrilled when she volunteered to contribute to this series. I knew she was a badass, but I was not really prepared for this level of badassery. You'll see what I mean...

Take it away, Kate!

About Kate


I live in the Twin Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul) in Minnesota. I’ve lived here my entire life. The quality of life is good overall, but the past few winters have gotten me thinking about other places I’d consider living that aren’t quite as extreme. It’s tough enduring winter temperatures around -20 and summer temperatures that can reach 100.

I’m single and don’t have any kids. My family consists of my parents (still married after 52 years!), an older brother and a sister-in-law. My parents also live in the Twin Cities and my brother and his wife live in Wisconsin.

Most of my career has been spent doing corporate accounting, although I’ve also worked in finance. I’ve worked across many industries including retail, medical supplies, advertising and education. I’m a numbers person so this career has suited me well and I wouldn’t change anything. I have a Bachelor’s in Economics and an MBA.

I was a homeowner for 18 years and sold my house in April. I now rent an apartment and chose to put the proceeds into a savings account in case I decide I’d like to buy another house in the future. So far I’m enjoying being a renter, so I don’t foresee this happening.

"Ten years ago I had a negative net worth and now my net worth is about 21x my current expenses."

I have one cat, who is diabetic and requires insulin injections every 12 hours. He was diagnosed 3.5 years ago and it drastically changed my life. Because I don’t trust anyone else to care for him and I live alone, I haven’t taken any trips since 2015 and my social calendar is coordinated around his feeding and shot schedule. Fortunately, my employer is understanding and knows that I can only be in the office during certain hours. I adore him and don’t view this as a sacrifice. He’s not going to live forever (he’s almost 14 already) and I’m happy to do whatever I can to give him the best life possible.

I’m in a great place financially. Ten years ago I had a negative net worth and now my net worth is about 21x my current expenses. My salary (including an annual bonus) is enough to max out my 401k, Roth, and HSA and still allow me to put a little bit of money into a brokerage account each payday.

Although I might consider myself FI at 25x expenses, I wouldn’t pull the trigger on early retirement until I had at least 33x expenses. But rather than use a basic calculation, I have an Excel file the projects all my account balances through age 55. Seeing the account balances each year provides a better illustration than using a simple multiplier.

Looking Towards The Future: FI Goals, Medical Costs, And Living Arrangements


Medical costs never crossed my mind when I was younger. I just figured that insurance would always be good enough to cover any kind of medical expense. As we’re seeing with increased costs and the decline of insurance coverage, this just isn’t the case anymore. This is the one thing that actually keeps me up at night and I really hope that there are changes that make healthcare affordable for everyone, not just the wealthy.

"The idea I’m trying to pitch to friends is that we should all live in the same building so we can help and keep an eye on each other, but still maintain independence and privacy. A few friends joke that we should buy a house together, similar to the Golden Girls, but this is something I’d actually consider."

While my parents are doing fine financially, I consider them to be an indirect impact on my finances. The main reason I want to pursue FIRE is to give me the option of leaving the workforce so I can help care for them and spend more time with them. They’d be in their mid-80s if I retired at 55. I never want it to be a question of whether I should continue working or leave the workforce to help them. They always come first.

I also never thought about what would happen as I got older and couldn’t live independently anymore. I don’t have plans to marry and I don’t have kids to care for me, so this is something I’m still trying to plan for. The idea I’m trying to pitch to friends is that we should all live in the same building (either renting apartments or owning condos) so we can help and keep an eye on each other, but still maintain independence and privacy. A few friends joke that we should buy a house together, similar to the Golden Girls, but this is something I’d actually consider. One friend plans to buy property in Oregon and has offered to let some of us put tiny houses on it. I’m glad that we are having conversations now and really happy that we agree that we’re all kind of in this together. As the cost of aging increases, it’s important to adopt a community mindset.

I’m really fortunate that I’ve been able to save and invest as much as I can. My main challenge is ensuring I’m doing enough and allocating my money effectively so I can reach my FI goal. Taxes are on my mind, as far as wondering if I should reduce my 401k contributions and put that money into my brokerage account while tax rates are low. There are so many scenarios and variables to consider. I’m sure in the end these things won’t push the needle very much, since contributions matter the most.

I’m hoping to reach FI by the time I’m 50 and I’d like to have the option to retire by the time I’m 55. Of course, healthcare will play a major role in this decision. I have an autoimmune disease that’s easily managed now, but it’s entirely possible that I’ll develop another one or inherit one of the many health problems my parents have (i.e. type II diabetes, glaucoma, high blood pressure). Because of this, I might be forced to continue working until I’m eligible for Medicare.

"Women this age are in the 'sandwich generation,' so they’re often caring for kids and starting to help care for their parents. It’s not hard to understand why they feel stretched so thin financially and in regards to their time."

Hopefully investing as much as I can and being conscientious of my spending will be enough to get me there. How the market acts during this time is completely out of my control.

Reflecting On Past Choices


I really wish that I hadn’t spent as much money in my 20s as I did. Shopping with friends was an easy pastime and I constantly gave into peer pressure and the idea that it wasn’t a big deal because I’d make more as I got older. Not only was it a waste of money, but it bothers me to think of the environmental impact as well.

I’m really proud that I’ve always contributed to a 401k. At some points, it might have only been 1% (i.e. when I first bought my house) but I always put something away, no matter how small. I’m mostly proud of paying off my house within 14 years of buying it. Beyond that, I’m proud of constructing a life where I can contribute the maximum limits to my 401k, Roth, and HSA and still live a great life.

Perspectives On Finances After 40


One of the easier parts of being older is that most of my friends don’t want to spend a lot of money when we get together. They have other expenses (mainly kids) and I’ve benefited from this. So, as someone who is single and childless, I only have to think about myself. My main concerns are the cost of healthcare and the possibility that my parents will need money for a nursing home in 10-15 years.

"For the single and childless, we have the challenge of saving enough money on a single income to ensure we can retire comfortably and pay for expenses for care when we’re in our 80s and 90s."

Women this age are in the “sandwich generation,” so they’re often caring for kids and starting to help care for their parents. It’s not hard to understand why they feel stretched so thin financially and in regards to their time.

For the single and childless, we have the challenge of saving enough money on a single income to ensure we can retire comfortably and pay for expenses for care when we’re in our 80s and 90s. It’s also important to ensure we have a good support system as we get older. It’s easy for friendships to fade as your friends get married and have kids, but the key is to be flexible and understanding to help keep these friendships going.

Kate's Advice And Recommendations


Always save money, no matter how little it is. Think about what you want your future to look like and take steps to help you get there. While it’s fine to anticipate getting married, don’t include a second income in any of your projections. Know that there are so many other ways than the traditional idea of working until you’re old enough for Social Security. You have the ability to create whatever life you want, as long as you have the determination to get there.

"Always save money, no matter how little it is. Think about what you want your future to look like and take steps to help you get there."

As polarizing as she is, Suze Orman can be credited with helping me turn my finances around. I watched her show every week on CNBC in the early 2000s. What I like best about her is how she makes the connection between emotions and money. My favorite Suze-ism is “When you feel less than, you spend more than.” She taught me to identify how I’m feeling if I get the urge to spend money on a want. If it’s boredom, I snap out of it immediately.

Mr. Money Mustache can be credited for teaching me about FIRE, specifically his post titled The Shockingly Simple Math Behind Early Retirement. This was intriguing to me and drove me to learn more, which lead to so many blogs: Root of Good, Go Curry Cracker, Our Next Life, and lots more.

For books, I’m a fan of The Simple Path to Wealth by Jim Collins (I’ve given this to a few people as gifts) and Work Optional by Tanja Hester.

When I was starting out, I would go to the library every week and pick out 5 books from the personal finance section. Now there’s so much information in the form of blogs. I’d urge people to seek out blogs that not only represent where they currently are in their financial journey but also read blogs representing where it is you want to be.

Where To Connect With Kate


Twitter: @itsakatelife
Blog: It's A Kate Life
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Career Break Musings: Letting Go?


"I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.” - Brene Brown

I haven't felt up to writing super-long posts lately. Ideas, sentences, and paragraphs are sloshing around in my brain, but I lack the motivation to pull them together in a coherent, complete way. It just seems like too much work requiring too much energy.

But at the same time, I know these thoughts need to get onto a page. That's what I've always done to work through complicated situations: throw words onto paper and see what those ideas look like on the outside.

It helps. It always helps.


via GIPHY


Still Lost But I Guess It's Cool?


In my post about quitting, I compared my career path to being inexorably lost in the woods and my indefinite sabbatical to sitting down on a tree stump to wait for either help or an epiphany. I'd spent more than four years stumbling pell-mell through the employment wilderness, searching for the right path and getting more and more lost instead (as if I'd started out in the Adirondacks and somehow wound up in, like, Death Valley), and I felt done. Pass the sleeping pad and the trail mix.


via GIPHY

It's been nearly 2.5 months since I took a seat, and I'm still here. No unicorn or recruiter has come to rescue me, and it appears that what was left of my career map has disintegrated altogether. Nevertheless, it's kind of nice here in Whoknowsville. I've set up a metaphorical hammock, am gathering wood for my metaphorical fire, and am learning to hunt metaphorical squirrels!

Hanging Onto A Pile Of Poop For Dear Life


Over the last few days, two people have reached out to ask me how I'm doing, which is very thoughtful. I haven't been sure how to respond. I'm... great? Confused? Relaxed? Frustrated? In a weird midlife twilight zone? Jonesing for gummy worms? All of the above?

So I've spent some time trying to work through my stack of mismatched thoughts.

In previous posts, I've shared that I went back to school for my PhD when I was in my early 30s. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. I was passionate about teaching, passionate about research, passionate about fieldwork, and passionate about my academic community. I finished in four years and landed a tenure-track job right away, which in my mind was a sure sign that I had done everything exactly right.

I thought I had found my calling. I thought I had it made.


via GIPHY

But that's not how it went. Everything after my PhD was kind of a disaster. I taught for two years under the direction of a brain plagued by anxiety, in a department driven by testosterone, before calling it quits. (That one sentence doesn't adequately describe the complexity of the whole experience, but good enough for now.)

After I left, I couldn't bring myself to let go of academia entirely, so I went the "alt-ac" route.

My next job was as a college advisor.

The one after that was as an online instructor.

The Job From Hell was editing in my area of study.

In general, each position was worse than the one before it, but I never considered going for something completely outside of academia.

As my friend Lisa Munro, who also left the world of tenure-track academia, wrote last year in her post When Moving Forward Requires Letting Go, 

"I wasn’t sure what else I could possibly do and I desperately wanted to still have one foot in work that I still loved. Instead of directly participating in oppressive and exploitative academic systems, I found that as an alt-ac person whose work still relied on academic research production, I’d simply continued participating from the sidelines. Academia-lite."

Exactly. Exactly.

Here's the thing. Neither academia nor academia lite has been great to me or for me, to the point that I should probably go to therapy for the sole purpose of dealing with academia's aftermath. It's been very difficult in a way that's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it.

In summary: I loved it, it treated me badly and made me feel terrible most of the time, and yet I can't seem to get over it because I loved it so much and because so much of my identity is wrapped up in it. So I keep taking whatever scraps it's willing to give me.

Now, as I start to scrounge the job boards and prepare applications, I find myself once again honing in on academia and its periphery like the proverbial moth to the flame.

Or as Lisa so beautifully put it,

"...in my now pseudo-academic life, I find myself trying too hard to still prove that I’m a smart person who deserved the career for which I’d invested a huge chunk of my life and a lot of money."

And maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's why I've started to feel so confused and conflicted over the last few weeks. I've been looking for jobs, and there's a deep chasm between what I feel I should be doing because it'll make me feel smart/needed/legitimate/worthy and what I want to be doing (if I give myself the space to admit what I actually want).

What's Holding Me Back From Letting Go?


Honestly, I think it's shame.

Everyone (not exaggerating, ev.er.y.one.) else I know who graduated from my program now has a top-notch job in our field of study. They've stayed focused, worked hard, and moved up.

Meanwhile, I've bounced around from job to job, lived in an RV for half a year, moved to two different cities, and am now... pet sitting. Don't get me wrong: I love it and am seriously thinking about trying to build a business. I love where I live. I appreciate my family and good health. In the grand scheme of things, we are doing fine.

But here I am, holding on with one hand to a career that has never worked and with the other hand to a giant bag of shame that grows heavier with time as I toss in more and more self-perceived failures. How am I supposed to try to grab onto something new? And... given what I'm holding onto, why am I not letting go?


via GIPHY

One more quote from Lisa, because everything she says is so spot-on:

"...Here’s what I’m learning: saying yes to new possibilities, especially ones that seem risky and thrilling and exciting and make me feel dizzy and like I’m going to throw up often involves letting go of that which is no longer serving me. And letting go, even when necessary, still provokes strong feelings of loss on top of the huge amount of loss and heartache I already feel with the loss of my academic life. But sometimes letting go is a necessary part of moving forward."

I don't know what, exactly, letting go looks like yet, but I'm starting to think it's the key to figuring out what's next.
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Career Break, Month Two: Eight Things I've Learned About Myself


As I begin to type this post, I've been on my career break for 68 days. I'm kind of astounded at how much time has passed and how quickly it's gone by since I kicked Nightmare JobTM to the curb. (Guys, THAT GIG WAS A SHITSHOW. How did I last even two months?!)

On the other hand, I often feel as though the days themselves pass more slowly than they did when I had a traditional job. Sometimes I'll lie awake at night and think, "Wow, did I really do that today, or did it happen earlier this week?" It's possible to pack a lot of activity into a span of 16 hours.

That said, month two of my career break was challenging for me. It felt very different from the first 30 days, when I was basking in every moment of freedom and enjoying the shiny newness of owning my time. Month two was more like, OMG, what am I even doing with my life (cue panic, doubt, lack of self-confidence, etc.)

Plus, my energy seemed to tank. Right after I quit, I felt ready to conquer the world; more recently, I feel ready to take a nap. I chalk this phenomenon up to life settling down and me finding more of a routine. Abigail from I Pick Up Pennies warned me that this might happen - that I might need some serious rest and downtime to recuperate from what boils down to years of stress.

Basically, month two was a time of reflection, figuring out what's working and what isn't, settling into a new lifestyle, and grappling with the question of, Where do I go from here?

Here's what I've learned.

1. Despite my Type A proclivities, I would make a really good retiree.


As a quintessential Type A personality, I went into this career break with serious concerns about how I would respond when faced with boredom or a super slack schedule. Predictably, the lack of productivity and aimlessness that I faced a few weeks in made me nervous and uncomfortable - but only briefly. After a short adjustment period, I found myself relishing the opportunity to stay up late and sleep in (although now that I've given myself permission to do so, it happens less often than you might think), stare off into space while nursing three cups of coffee at breakfast, go for long walks or runs, dive down random Wikipedia rabbit holes, and scroll mindlessly through Twitter.

I mean, I'd like to accomplish more than that in a given day, but it turns out that the world doesn't fall apart when I don't. And... wasting time is kind of fun.

I'm impressed that I've been able to relax to this extent. Apparently, I'm not as attached to productivity as I thought I was.

2. That said, there's always something to do.


My days can be empty, but they can also be jam-packed with activities - and it's not hard to find things to do. Recently, I've filled hours with things like learning Italian, running, reading, hiking, going to my kid's soccer practice, hanging out with friends, baking, and petsitting.

In other words, you don't need a job in order to create a completely full schedule.

We're trained to think that work is necessary in order to find meaning and structure in life, but based on my super-scientific study of n=1 (me), I'm here to tell you that this is a lie.

3. I don't want to be a freelance writer.


I went into my career break with the vague sense that perhaps I should pursue freelance writing as a job. It seemed like a good idea: after all, I've watched many friends in the personal finance community find success in the wordsmithing arena. I've even received a couple of emails asking if I can write about certain topics.

When I was a kid, my mom used to say to me, "When you WANT to do something, you're really good at it. When you don't want to do something, it's impossible to make you get it done." As annoying as it is to admit that she might have known me better than I thought, it's true. Even if something sounds like a good idea, something I should pursue, my level of interest is always reflected in whether I actually do it.

Because at the end of the day, no matter what I say or promise, if I don't want to do something, I simply... won't.

That's how it's been with writing. Do I enjoy it? Yes - but only when I feel like it, and generally only when I'm talking about my own life. To be a paid, professional writer, I'd need to move beyond my little me-bubble and actually do what editors want me to do. I'd have to research stuff and, you know, take direction.

Right now, I don't want to. Maybe that will change. For the right gig, I might do it, but it's become apparent to me that professional writing is not something I'm ready to pursue at the moment.

4. Petsitting is a different story.


I started petsitting with Rover a couple of weeks into my career break to make a few extra bucks. At that point, it was the one side hustle that sounded even remotely palatable to me. One, it didn't require me to be parked in front of a computer. Two, it's something I can do even when I'm not feeling particularly sharp or energetic (more about that in a minute). Three, although I often feel overwhelmed and depleted by other people, especially in a work environment, I'm great with animals and am naturally comfortable around them.

I landed my first gig in early May, and since then, I've had only a handful of days without at least one drop-in visit. Because I set my rates low in order to quickly land clients and reviews, I haven't made a ton of money - but I've made enough that I'm now eying the possibility of turning petsitting into more of a full-time job. In fact, I'm seriously thinking about starting my own business.

5. I don't think my brain is built for traditional employment.


This is something I wasn't fully aware of until I quit. When I was doing traditional 9-5 work, I almost always felt like I was dragging my brain through sludge. On average, I felt confident and alert and on just one or maybe two days a week. I thought this was normal. I figured everyone goes through their working life alternating between exhaustion, anxiety, and cloudiness. I also figured that I was just a weenie who wasn't handling adulting as well as everyone else.

What I've discovered is that even when I'm not working, there are many days when I'm operating in sloth mode and can't pull myself out of it. I've had a full physical and a full set of blood tests, all of which came out squarely in the "normal" range, so it's not that I'm facing some sort of underlying health crisis.

I think the truth of the matter is that I am a highly sensitive person whose circuits get overloaded very, very easily. And when the circuits get overloaded, the whole system shuts down. I need time and rest to get back up to speed, and by time, I don't mean a few hours. I mean a couple of days.

One coping option is to make the system - i.e., my brain - work more efficiently. I've tried that. I've attempted different eating plans, sleeping plans, workout plans, not drinking alcohol, drinking more water, etc. etc. etc., and none have made a significant or lasting difference.

The other option is to accept that this is how I am and stop putting myself in situations where I'm setting myself up for failure on a daily basis. In other words, as a highly sensitive person who gets overwhelmed by interactions with other people, I should probably avoid jobs that involve frequent interactions with other people. I should probably create or find a job that gives me the time and space I need for regular recuperation.

6. I am a pretty good person.


This might seem like kind of a ridiculous statement. I think most people who've met me would say that I'm a good person - or if not good, then relatively average and mostly tolerable. Most people don't seem to think I'm a jerk.

But over the past four years, I haven't felt that way about myself. I viewed myself as:
  • angry
  • impatient
  • bitter
  • frustrated
  • disorganized
  • scatterbrained
  • inarticulate
  • generally dissatisfied in a lot of areas of my life
I felt that way because work made me feel that way.

Now that I've separated myself from my former workplaces, I see more of my innate positive traits surfacing more often (or maybe they never stopped surfacing, but I couldn't see them through all of the negative emotions). I'm more aware of my kindness, generosity, creativity, ability to listen to and empathize with other people's stories, and sincerity.

I mean, nobody's perfect, but I'm not the asshole I was starting to suspect I was.

7. There are a lot of things I really, really want.


This one surprised me. I'm typically not a materialistic person. I hate shopping, and I generally buy new things only when I absolutely need to replace something (like if there's a hole in the butt of my jeans or if my running shorts are literally falling off). 

But this whole being-on-a-super-strict-budget thing has brought out the wanter in me - big time. All of a sudden, I'm a 40-year-old with a list for Santa.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want:
  • a new phone (the screen on mine is doing weird, poltergeisty things)
  • a mountain bike
  • new running shorts and tights
  • entries to three different races
  • a trip to FinCon
  • a trip to the next CentsPositive
  • a weekend getaway with Fortysomething
  • a vacation in Colorado 
  • dinner at my favorite pizza restaurant 
  • regular visits to local breweries
  • a donut
They say money can't buy happiness.

I understand the sentiment, but trust me, a lot of things would be easier and more fun if we had more money.

8. I'm less worried about our remaining debt than I thought I'd be.


After spending almost two years obsessing about our debt and paying off credit cards and student loans with almost religious devotion, I'm a bit shocked to discover that it's been easy to let go of our original debt payoff plan. Yes, we still have an obnoxious student loan to destroy, and yes, the balance is still something like $37,000. Yes, $400 a month is going towards this loan. Yes, it's money that could be used elsewhere.

But what're you going to do. We're in a pay-just-above-the-minimum mode, and that's how it needs to be for now. It'll get paid off eventually. 

Going into month three


I'm excited to see what the third month of this career break will bring. More running, more naps, and more petsitting, I hope.

I've applied for a handful of jobs so far, and I plan to ramp up my application efforts over the next few weeks. In the meantime, I'll keep taking whatever petsitting jobs I can snag and try to get a better sense of whether establishing my own business is a viable possibility. Between working for someone else and working for myself, I'd rather choose the latter - but we'll see what happens!
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Finances After 40 #5: Finding Joy In The Moment (One Frugal Girl's Story)


I'm thrilled to share another installment of Finances After 40a series that profiles women 40 years and older who are making their money work for them.

This week's post comes to us from One Frugal Girl, a financially independent blogger who's been writing in the personal finance space since - DRUMROLL PLEASE - 2006. 

This makes OFG a PF OG, if you ask me. There's something extraordinary about bloggers who are willing to share their stories over the span of many years and who invite their readers to join them as their highs, lows, challenges, and successes unfurl. Thus, I was kind of beside myself with excitement when she offered to write a post for the series. 

If you aren't familiar with her blog, I suggest setting aside a couple of hours and diving in, as she's a skillful storyteller with a wealth of experience and advice.

Note: If you're just catching up with Finances After 40, be sure to check out the first four posts:

Take it away, One Frugal Girl!

Embracing The Detours


I am a forty-one-year-old wife, mother, blogger, personal finance enthusiast, optimist and former software developer. I believe in the power of reframing unfortunate events and trying my best to see the good in bad situations. My husband and I are financially independent.

In my mid-twenties I faced a medical crisis that forever changed my outlook on life. What began with flu-like symptoms quickly escalated into a frightening trip to the ER, a weeklong stay in the hospital and a six-month quest for diagnosis. I spent the majority of my late twenties managing debilitating pain and searching for answers from the medical community.

"Fate has an odd way of interfering with my plans for life. Over the years I've learned to accept those detours and sometimes even embrace them."

I started my blog, One Frugal Girl, in 2006 during the height of my medical saga. It began as a way to distract me from my pain, but over the years it played a pivotal role in my financial success.

Career-wise, I worked as a full stack JAVA developer for over twelve years. Due to ongoing health issues, my husband and I delayed having children until our early thirties. Then we struggled with infertility for two and a half years. Four months into my pregnancy, my job was cut in a massive round of lay-offs that obliterated my entire department.

I interviewed and accepted a new job offer, but never started in that position. Thanks to a healthy severance package and over a decade's worth of savings, I seized the opportunity to stay at home with my newborn son. It was not an easy decision, but I now view my lay-off as a blessing in disguise.

Fate has an odd way of interfering with my plans for life. Over the years I've learned to accept those detours and sometimes even embrace them.

Choices On The Road To Financial Independence


I bought my first house at the age of twenty-two and the second at age twenty-seven. Financially speaking, this was a great decision, but if I could go back in time, I wouldn't do it again. I spent my twenties worried about paying down mortgages, mowing lawns, trimming bushes, painting walls and doing a whole lot of housework that my peers in apartments never considered. Buying that first house made us grow up too quickly. I don't think we took advantage of our youth because we were bound to our financial obligations.

"The power of compound interest is truly amazing. We are proof that saving today can lead to a huge net worth in the future."

On the flip side, we are most definitely financially independent because we spent our twenties and thirties focused on the power of earning more, spending less and investing the excess. The power of compound interest is truly amazing. We are proof that saving today can lead to a huge net worth in the future.

I am incredibly proud of my relationship with my husband. We've been through a lot together, including a medical crisis, difficult family members, co-owning a business, a workplace assault and infertility.  Yet somehow we've managed to push through life's obstacles together. Our marriage is a work in progress. To be honest, it has not always been great, but when we drift apart we work hard to bring our relationship back together.

I'm also super proud that we reached FI as equal partners. We co-own all financial responsibilities. We can interchangeably manage the books, review our taxes, discuss upcoming expenditures, journal credit cards, pay the bills and do anything and everything else related to money.

Preparing For The Future


Despite my medical problems, I wasn't concerned with long term care or quality health care when I was younger. This fear has grown over the past decade.

It began when my 80-year-old grandmother wanted to move to a clean, well-run long-term care facility. She could afford care for five or ten years, but if she lived longer than that she would run out of money. She had a net worth of $500,000. Imagine reaching the end of your life with half a million dollars and then realizing you need more. Thankfully, she was healthy enough to remain home alone until the age of 94, but I do believe the quality of her life suffered. Despite having family nearby, she was very isolated and lonely.

More recently I've watched my mom suffer through a horrible medical ordeal. She now needs full-time care. Just one day of 24-hour round-the-clock care costs $600. That is simply not sustainable over the long haul.

I worry for the health of my family and I am concerned that even with a sizable nest egg we will not have enough to help us deal with situations like these in the future.

"I wanted to earn a significant amount of money, but I didn't feel the need for work to be meaningful. Now I would like to find a job that provides value beyond the money."

I have absolutely no idea what my future holds. Financial independence is the ticket to endless possibilities! I plan to return to work when my youngest reaches kindergarten, but I'm not sure what I will do.

Looking back, the focus on my software career feels very selfish. I wanted to earn a significant amount of money, but I didn't feel the need for work to be meaningful. Now I would like to find a job that provides value beyond the money.

I spend a lot of time volunteering for worthy causes and I would love to find some way to earn money while helping others. I plan to spend the next year volunteering more as well as polishing off my dusty coding skills.

Advice For Other Women


I think many women (not just those over 40) lack the confidence to take control of their finances. Some women are worried about the math required for money management, but I promise there is no reason to be afraid. You don't need to be a math whiz with knowledge of advanced algebra and calculus. Simple addition and subtraction is all you need.

"If you are knowledgeable about your finances, speak out loudly and clearly to the next generation of women. We need to speak to young girls about money and we need those same girls to see their parents talking about money together."

We also lack female money mentors who can guide us. My grandmother loved to talk to me about personal finance. She focused on the importance of education, increasing income and living within one's means. Despite living in a time when men typically controlled the money, my grandmother took the reins of her family's finances. She demonstrated that gender should not divide financial responsibilities. I am eternally grateful for the lessons my grandmother shared.

If you are knowledgeable about your finances, speak out loudly and clearly to the next generation of women. We need to speak to young girls about money and we need those same girls to see their parents talking about money together. Remember that women can be a powerful financial force even if they don’t earn money on their own.

We all think happiness is lying just around the corner. Slightly out of reach. When we land that next job, meet the right partner, go on that next vacation then we can bask in bliss. Unfortunately, happiness isn't lurking somewhere else. If we cannot find joy in the here and now, we will most likely never find it.

My advice: figure out how you can feel fulfilled in this very moment. Search for hobbies. Explore your passions. Find friends. Connect with a supportive community of women. Look for mentors online and in real life that can guide you. Yearn to feel confident and secure in your decisions and trust your instincts.

"Happiness isn't lurking somewhere else. If we cannot find joy in the here and now we will most likely never find it... My advice: figure out how you can feel fulfilled in this very moment."

Financially speaking, search for ways to increase your income. Request additional work, demonstrate your eagerness and constantly strive to learn more. Many of us stop learning after graduation. To excel in the workplace you need to attain new skills and continually look for ways to improve processes.

Now is also the time to focus on mindful spending. It's easy to swipe your credit card or enter numbers into an online shopping portal. Use the Marie Kondo method of decluttering before purchasing something new. Ask yourself, "Will this spark joy?" Then at the end of the month diligently review your expenses and decide if it did.

Remember every dollar you don't spend is a dollar you can invest.

If you are looking for guidance on FI, check out "Meet the Women of the Financial Independence Movement" at Tread Lightly Retire Early. When I began blogging fourteen years ago, it was difficult to find women writing about money. Now there are so many amazing voices echoing and empowering women across the Internet.

Where To Connect With One Frugal Girl


Website: One Frugal Girl
Email: onefrugalgirl@gmail.com
Twitter: @onefrugalgirl 

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Career Break Life In Numbers


It occurred to me yesterday that I haven't written a blog post in more than a week. Honestly, I just haven't felt like it. Like I said in my last post, it's kind of boring to write about money when you don't have it and/or when every cent is already earmarked for something essential.

On the other hand, I hate when other bloggers suddenly disappear, so I'm going to throw something out there. It won't be particularly well written, but you know what? Sometimes messy writing is accurate, honest writing.

So here we go: my current life in numbers.

37,579


Our current debt balance. It's been a while since I've posted a debt update, so as a reminder, this represents our one remaining student loan (or as I like to call it, THE LOAN THAT WILL NEVER DIE). You can find our detailed debt numbers here.

56


Number of days I've been on my career break. It doesn't feel that long, but I suppose time flies when you're doing things you mostly enjoy: reading, learning Italian (Il mio cavallo mangia caramelle! Thanks for the applicable phrases, Duolingo), running, watching multiple seasons of Survivor, pet sitting, baking cookies.

Not that it's all roses and rainbows. I still have to deal with the anxiety that is the cosmic background radiation of my life, and if I'm not careful, I can waste hours worrying about future job prospects. I try not to.

12


Number of days since I've consumed alcohol. Last year, I tried to make it through June without drinking. I was cruising along nicely until Anthony Bourdain died; his passing hit me hard, and the beer (okay, beerS) I drank in his honor put an immediate end to my dry month. Now I'm trying again. This time, I want to see if not drinking alcohol will improve my running performance. Although the verdict is still out, abstaining has definitely improved the quality of my sleep.

However, if I'm being totally transparent, nothing sounds better right now than a cold, crisp glass of rose.

79


Dollars we spent on our cat's healthy pet visit and rabies shot. Fine. Ugh.

103


Dollars we spent on an oil change and air filter replacement in our car. FINE. UGH.

11


Total number of petsitting bookings I've had via Rover.com. Not too shabby considering that I can't offer doggie day camp (the most efficient way to make money as a petsitter) and I'm still getting started.

503


Amount of money I've made petsitting over the past six weeks. Again, not bad, although I'm realizing that I really need to factor the amount of time I spend driving to/from these visits into the total cost. My plan is to maintain my current rate through the beginning of August, snag a few more five-star reviews, and then increase my rate again. I don't want to scare away potential clients, but a) gas is expensive and b) I give my all with every client, and I'm worth it. I don't want to undersell myself.

4


Number of job applications I've submitted since quitting my previous job.

  • Unicorn Job #1: Company received 2000 applications (!) and did not select me for an interview.
  • Unicorn Job #2: Government job. I doubt I will ever hear from them because they rely on bots to select their candidates, but I can still dream.
  • Job #3: Part-time freelance work of questionable quality. Will give it a try and let you know whether it's worthwhile.
  • Job #4: Part-time, at-home, well-paying gig that promised to get back to me within two weeks "because that's our culture!" Did not get back to me within two weeks.
I posted this on Twitter, but it's worth repeating here. This is me sifting through job ads:


Pay me. Respect me. Communicate with me. Don't make me jump through eight million hoops just because you don't know how to conduct an efficient job search.

Not having a full-time salaried position isn't making me feel any better or any more hopeful about the current state of work in the United States. It's just giving me time to contemplate how exploitative and dysfunctional much of it is. Unfortunately, most of us are tethered to it because it's one of the only ways to obtain reasonably priced health insurance and because freelancing is expensive.

750


Amount I'd need to earn per month after taxes in order for us to break even (expenses = income). That's with our cheap, temporary health insurance. Once the Kiddo and I have to move to my parter's plan, I'll need to earn about $1300 per month.

6


Current average daily running mileage. I'd really like to train for a specific race, but race fees are so expensive, and I get overwhelmed with the number of choices available.

7.5


Average hours of sleep per night.

0


Amount of money we plan to transfer from savings account this month (thanks to Fortysomething's bonus + Rover earnings). Woohoo!

2


Number of trips we're taking this summer - one to Disneyland (generously covered by a family member, because otherwise there's no way we'd go) and one back east to see family.

1


of the things I've been thinking about lately:

I wish I hadn't been so obsessed about paying off debt last year. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad we worked so hard to ditch our high-interest credit card debt, and I'm glad my student loan is gone. However, there were some things we chose not to do that we could have done, and now I wish we'd done them (e.g., attend a close friend's wedding last fall) instead of dumping every extra cent towards student loans. I wish I could go back and tell younger me to chill out and have some fun. 

Like... when you have money, yes, do smart things with it. But also do some fun things with it.


5


The next installment of Finances After 40! Guess who's being featured.

Guess.

Okay, I won't wait to tell you. It's One Frugal Girl, and I'm thrilled because IT'S ONE FRUGAL GIRL! Stay tuned - that post will drop in a few days.

So that's it for now! What about you?
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The Personal Finance Community Is A Bubble... And Sometimes I Feel Like I'm On The Outside


It's been a few weeks since I've written a blog post, although I've tried to force myself (unsuccessfully) to do it multiple times. It's not that I don't have ideas: I could write about my Rover hustle. I could write about Swagbucking. I could write about how we've managed to shave a few more dollars off the grocery bill. I could write about how we're pretty much exactly on target with our May budget, which is awesome.

This post, specifically, was supposed to be about our May 2019 wins.

But every time I sit down to compose something new, I have this overwhelming feeling of MEH. My writing is paralyzed by it.

Yesterday, I finally pinpointed the source of the MEH.

It's because I don't really feel like talking about money.

I just don't.

Today I forced myself to sit down and figure out why.


1. It's More Fun To Talk About Money When You Have It


As it turns out, money is more fun to discuss when you're actually making it and have enough of it to do stuff with, like distribute it into different savings pots or invest it or purchase vacations.

Currently, we're losing money like water leaking from a slightly compromised barrel. Drip by drip, cent by cent, the balance is decreasing. We're using the money we have for what we absolutely need and nothing more. That's fine. We knew that would happen. (Don't get me wrong - there is not even a tiny part of me that regrets investing in this career break. I'm happy with this decision and feel that it was the best and only viable option at the time.)

With few choices surrounding what we can do with our money at the moment, I'm not super excited to write about it.


2. Who Am I To Talk About Money? (And Other Self-Imposed Insecurities)


Second, as of late, I just don't feel like I have the pedigree to be a Real Personal Finance Blogger. In many ways, I'm completely out of my league. People talk about their five-figure bonuses and six-figure (or more) net worths; meanwhile, I'm over here with my five-figure student loan and a net worth that's going to be in the red for the foreseeable future. Career break aside, even if we were bringing in last year's total income and saving half of our salary, we would still be really far behind.

I often wonder if I have anything of substance to share with this community. I can write a blog post, but what am I contributing, and to whom? How am I helping when it seems like most other PF bloggers have their financial shit wayyyyy more together and have wayyyyyy more experience and wayyyyyy more success, and therefore have so much more to offer their readers?

Basically, I'm not sure this blog is inspiring anyone from a financial standpoint. I mean, maybe? If it is, I'm thrilled, but given that our progress has been stalled for months, I have a hard time believing that's true. I feel like I'm doing everything you're *not* supposed to do if you're digging out of debt and have paltry retirement savings. (Granted, maybe that's why some people read this blog!)

I know these are my own insecurities talking. Yes, I feel like a very slow recreational jogger trying to train with a bunch of Olympic-level marathon runners - I mean, that's pretty much true - but I'm the only person making myself feel bad about it.

Don't make comparisons, run your own race, personal finance is PERSONAL, yadda yadda yadda. I get it. Wrestling with my insecurities is still challenging. I know all of us can relate. We've all been there.


3. Your Judgment Is Showing, And It's Gross


Third - and here's where we get into the weeds - there have been some recent conversations in the Twitter personal finance arena that truly make me feel like an imposter for not being debt free enough or wealthy enough or successful enough. Those conversations weren't directed at me, but the criticism was leveled at people that I can relate to far more than I relate to people who have achieved true financial security.

It just makes me think... Why bother?

I'm certainly a little sick of the occasional criticism we receive for the financial choices we've made. True, some of the choices were less than ideal, but they were also made a long time ago, and we've righted ourselves since then - sort of. However, I chose to put myself out there. I've shared the details. You know about our financial situation, so if you want to judge me, at least you've got the facts.

More than that, though, I'm sick of other people - individuals and groups - being judged and criticized for the financial choices they've made, even if they were the best choices for those individuals at the time, and even when we don't know all of the circumstances and details.

I'm sick of other people being judged for being poor or for living paycheck to paycheck.

Or for taking out student loans.

Or for not being able to cover the rent when their government job is suddenly put on hold because the well-paid politicians who run this country can't get their act together.

Or for not being able to negotiate a pay raise.

Or for not being able to find a better-paying job.

Or GOD FORBID for choosing to take their family on a vacation instead of tossing every single cent to a pile of debt that's going to be there for years.

I'm sick of this notion that if you haven't made it, it's because you don't want it badly enough. You don't have the right mindset! You're not thinking positively! You're NOT TELLING THE UNIVERSE WHAT YOU WANT.

I'm sick of the predictable, repackaged pieces of blanket advice that certain personal finance gurus keep trying to sell us as if those of us on the lower income/net worth rungs haven't heard it all before.

I'm (DON'T HATE ME) kind of sick of how personal finance now seems to be all about FIRE and financial independence, and how if you're not aiming for FI, you're doing it wrong.

I'm sick of people who label 9-to-5 cubicle jobs as "sad," as if there's something inherently wrong with having reliable and predictable employment.


Messages From Outside The Bubble


Am I happy that there are people making fantastic financial decisions? Yes! Am I proud of my friends who are hitting huge milestones with their careers and their money? Yes! Do I think we should be talking about those success stories? YEEEESSSSS. We should.

But.

Here's the but.

The personal finance community is a bubble (or... sometimes more like an echo chamber). 

Moreover, those within the bubble do not represent every facet of society. Not even close. Based on the above-mentioned Twitter convos, sometimes I think some of the people in the bubble can't see that.

A few days ago, I read an article about an up-and-coming personal finance expert/writer/speaker.

I have an abundance of respect for this individual. I think the work they're doing is important, I appreciate their transparency, and I'm thrilled for their success. I know this person works incredibly hard. Reading the article and being aware of some of the things they've gone through to get to where they are now, I'm so proud of them. I will cheer them on.

And then I read the comments.

At first, I thought, "Damn, this is what they mean by NEVER READ THE COMMENTS," because not a single one was positive or congratulatory. Not one!

Sour grapes, I decided.

But then I read them again and realized a couple of things.

One, the feedback reflected more of a general frustration with the current societal status quo than anger towards the specific person in the profile.

Two, I was relating very hard to some of the circumstances described in the comments: ballooning college tuition, huge and intractable student loan balances, rising rents, rising medical costs, rising daycare costs, flatlined wages.

"How in the world are we supposed to do what this person has managed to do?" seemed to be the general outcry.

I feel that so much.

The people voicing their anger and frustration aren't doing it because they're lazy, incompetent, stupid, jealous, or really bad at planning. I mean, statistically speaking, some of them probably are, and given that it's the Internet, I'm sure there were some mean-spirited trolls in the bunch.

But not all of them.

Some of these people feel ignored.

Some of them feel hopeless.

Some of them are completely aware of the reality of their financial situations and know that it's going to be next to impossible to build financial stability given their circumstances.

They're commenting with anger and frustration because they want to get to the same solid financial place, but they don't see how.

They're commenting with anger and frustration because they're doing their very best, and it's sometimes still not enough. Why? Because some of the most essential and non-negotiable things in life - again, education, health care and health insurance, childcare, rent - are also some of the most expensive. Meanwhile, costs are rising while wages are stagnating, and minorities and anyone who doesn't identify as male are still at a disadvantage.

We all know this.

But instead of acknowledging and addressing these really obvious, data-supported systemic issues, some members of the community just want to place blame.

"They're not trying hard enough."

"They don't have a positive attitude."

"They're playing the victim."

"They made some big mistakes and these are the consequences." (I've seen this a lot with respect to student loans.)

"Well, they majored in art history. What did they THINK was going to happen. Everyone should major in engineering!"

And sure, you could say that it's just Twitter being Twitter, but these are ideas that are also more broadly held. The judgment exists beyond social media.

There are very real, intractable, and systemic issues that aren't being addressed other than to tell people they just need to try a little harder and bootstrap a little more and plaster on a smile and just be more like the people who have succeeded

It's depressing and demoralizing, and it bothers me. A lot. This community has the power and resources to do far more than just place judgment. It has the power and resources to fuel systemic change if it chooses to do so.

I'm disabling comments because I suck at debating. I don't want to argue with anyone, and I don't want people trying to shoot holes into my feelings-based argument. Again, this post is a personal vent designed to help me figure out why I'm in a blogging rut and work out some of my feelings concerning finances. That's all.
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